I was recently house hunting with my husband and it brought up so many issues- communication struggles, high pressure decision-making, feelings of indecision, and a fast-moving housing market. Houses we liked would go under contract the same day after going live on the MLS, two days before we could get there in person.
We needed to find a house soon, as our kids kept growing bigger and our 2 bedroom house, with one kid in each bedroom shrank smaller and smaller. I know people who live with less in tiny houses and small apartments, but for us- two introverted adults- our 1000 sq ft house seemed too tight.
Week after week, house showing after showing, I felt growing discomfort, because my intuition would not give me a yes about any house.
I use my intuition in big decisions. It’s the guiding force in my life. But my intuition was silent on the issue of houses. Two times we tried to move forward and went under contract. I was impatient to make a decision and went ahead and signed the contract. Two times I’d wake with a jolt in the middle of the night, “Not the house for us. That’s not our house.”
I’d share my revelation with my husband. He’d sigh, frown, and walk away in frustration. I’d make the call to our realtor to pull the contract.
I knew that he was disappointed, but I could not dishonor that strong voice within. Have you ever been there? Have you been in a tough spot of feeling like you were letting someone down, but knowing that you have to honor your own wisdom?
I have. But I know that no matter how difficult it might feel in the moment to disappoint a loved one, I have to honor that quiet voice within.
Was it indecision or intuition?
Still I felt the pressure. The strain in our relationship increased and multiple times he told me he was ready to make an offer on a house. I was happy for his decisiveness, but I couldn’t move on it.
Questions swirled inside me, “Am I making the right decision? Do I act or do I not? Is my intuition clear, even though it keeps telling me NO on house after house after house? What if my intuition is wrong?”
I felt like I was the epitome of a picky perfection-seeking house-hunter. I rededicated myself to communicating house needs/wants with my husband, spent more time in prayer and time connecting to the earth, asking for guidance from the divine.
Even though I felt the discomfort and impatience- from him and myself, I didn’t let myself go into negative self-talk. I didn’t let the judgement that wanted to creep in take over my heart.
I don’t let the judgement take over because I know that words matter. Your words that you speak to yourself have power. They have impact.
The Words You Use to Talk to Yourself Matter
How much are you aware of the words that you speak to yourself in your head? How critical or judgmental that voice is of so many of your actions? How many times a day does your mind tell you that you are lazy, stupid, or a bad mom, simply for a poor choice you made?
It’s quite likely that you have let your mind get into some ruts of negative thinking that are profoundly impacting your life, every day.
If you have a child and every day you tell them they are stupid, how does that child feel?
If you have a loved one, and every day you make them feel guilty for a choice that made, how loving are you acting towards that person?
If every time you saw your friend Barb, she told you that you were lazy and unworthy, would you enjoy her company? Would you seek her out?
And yet, how many of us speak those same words to ourselves every day?
Today can be the Day your Self-Talk Changes
Enough! Isn’t it time you had enough of talking to yourself that way.
What if I told you that you could change the way that you talk to yourself?
Today let’s take a stand. I no longer talk to myself with unkind words.
Today I commit to self-talk that is supportive, loving, and kind.
Today I speak to myself with kindness and compassion.
Of course you might slip. I slip, maybe daily. I have some self-talk ruts that I have trained myself out of and I never go there anymore.
For example, I never, ever let myself think or say in my self-talk, I am a bad mom. I do not allow it. If I do say it, then I mentally ‘brush it away’ and respond to myself, my soul, with loving, kind thoughts and a feeling of forgiveness.
Modifying your self-talk is not typically instantaneous- its a mental habit, after all.
In the beginning you might notice that you still talk to yourself unkindly. With awareness and practice, you can shift this words and tone of your self-talk to a positive dialogue. This change will radically expand your happiness.
Everywhere you go, you take your inner dialogue with you. Wouldn’t it be powerful to have a kind, loving self-talk dialogue to strengthen you in this wild and unpredictable life?
Let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear your comments!