How do you let go of security and something that you deeply love? How do you release certainty and trust there’s something even better coming?
This summer I walked away from the security and deep attachment to my home and my edible oasis garden. I had restored my home from neglect to a place where you could pick ripe berries and edible greens on any given day. It was seven years in the making.
But our home no longer fit our needs- it was too small and our family too big. I kept on trying to hold onto the belief that somehow we could make it work. Meanwhile, my marriage became strained. We were sleeping in separate rooms to take turns waking with the baby in the night. We were fighting about house hunting. We were both stubbornly wanting the other partner to just give in and compromise.
Many days and many nights I cried about what decision to make.
To me our home was a cozy nest with a glorious garden. To my husband, the walls were closing in. Of course, I knew the answer had to be that we would sell our home and move on. For months I couldn’t agree to buying another home.
I wanted what I was gaining to equal what I was giving up. I felt paralyzed by fear of giving up our home. Nothing out there was as good as what we had. But what we had didn’t work anymore.
So I gave up our home, to settle on a dream of what our lives could become. We are still in the middle of having given up what we had, and don’t yet feel that our lives is what we want it to become.
I’m still in that time between one shore in the next. You may be in a place in your life where you feel like you’re in between two shores, in between two worlds. And I want you to know that you’re not alone.
You’re not going to be between two worlds forever. You will reach the new shore. I was talking with someone who moved recently whose been having a rocky transition; they are debating whether they should have moved or not. I feel that it is very common actually. Not just with moving a home, but with letting go of a relationship, or a job, or a car, or prized possessions.
There are many times when we release one thing- a relationship, let’s say, and the new one doesn’t show up in our ideal timeline. We start wondering if we should have really given up the old one. “Maybe I should have stayed,” the fear of regret starts whispering to you.
You’ve seen this (or lived it) in relationships, where you or your best friend goes back to her ex- time and time again, not because she really want to be back together with him, but because she don’t yet have the belief and faith in the new life. She doesn’t yet believe in the existence of a better relationship, but that in-between time waiting for the new life becomes too uncomfortable to bear.
This is the real reason, the real motivator behind why many people avoid giving up security. Why people are afraid to give up what they know. Many people don’t want to have any empty, downtime between the security, the relationship, the house- and the next one.
It takes a lot to sit in between what you had and what you want, with the empty hands (or arms), waiting for the new thing to show up. Most of us want to avoid with the in-between time or speed it up if at all possible.
I don’t think that you can truly avoid the in-between time, but you can make it more enjoyable, more bearable, and trust in the outcome more.
I’ve tested a lot of methods & techniques for how I handle the in-between times. I’ve spent a lot of time sitting with nature and with myself to find my road map through the pain and discomfort.
This is one of the reasons why people hire me as their coach. Because we all have something we need help in believing that there is another shore even if we can’t see it yet. My clients learn my tried & true methods that guide you through the uncertainty and onto confidence and trust in yourself and life itself. That’s true power, trusting that you are making and taking the best steps for you.
Reach out if you’d like to talk about the new shore you want to reach.
All my love to you as you navigate towards new shores.
Lots of love, Rachel