ARE YOU LIVING YOUR POTENTIAL?

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Kamini Wood, a certified professional coach, helps people take the courageous steps to identify their limiting beliefs, the reasons for their stagnation or feelings of not enoughness, so they can have what they want professionally and personally to live a fulfilled life.  Get in touch with Kamini Wood here: www.kaminiwood.com

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Kamini Seeds of Self-Love Transcript

Rachel: Today I have Kamini Wood.

[00:00:02] She’s a certified professional coach. She wants to help you lift your full potential. I’m here for it. I’m always stretching for my potential. She works with teens, college-aged students. Adults, young or not as young, right? That’s right. She has some wonderful programs. She’ll probably mention to us com.

[00:00:23] Kamini loves working with high achievers and overachievers and high performers, so I’m really excited to learn whatever she’s here to re ready to teach us about having self-love while also dealing with a high achieving personality, let’s say. Yes, yes. So welcome.

[00:00:44] Kamini: Thank you for having me. I’m so excited to be here with you.

[00:00:47] Rachel: Great. Tell me a little bit about your, your decision to work with high achievers. Mm-hmm. And. High performers, overachievers, are you one yourself? I love that question

[00:01:02] Kamini: cuz it outs me right away. I am absolutely a, an overachiever, high achiever, perfectionist, all the things. And, and, and to be fair I think my kids are as well.

[00:01:15] So my oldest is actually a professional ballerina, and my second oldest plays division one collegiate sports. So I’ve been raising high achievers too. Mm-hmm. And, and it’s not to say that I don’t work with people who don’t classify themselves as high achievers, because sometimes we don’t even realize that we’re putting, that we are in the bucket of overachievers or high achievers.

[00:01:34] And, and it’s not, it, it, it’s never to say, let’s. Puts the work with those people. But because I know the mentality so well, I mean, I’ve done my own self-work through it and continue to, cause I do think as humans we’re constantly evolving and growing. I just, I, I understand and resonate with the mentality so well that I’m able to, to do I believe really good work with those people.

[00:01:58] Rachel: Amazing. And do you believe, is there a connection with self-love in any of those? Those other components of one’s personality and doing

[00:02:07] Kamini: good work? Absolutely. Absolutely. Mm-hmm. I’m all about self-love, but beyond self-love. For me it’s about self-acceptance. And I believe that self-love is underneath that domain.

[00:02:18] So oftentimes we hear a lot, a lot of people talking about building your self-confidence and building your self-esteem, which I would never argue with. But those two items are very externally focused, meaning it’s a comparison to others. So when we talk about self-acceptance, what we’re really talking about is accepting.

[00:02:35] Ourselves, all parts of ourself, those that we deem, IM imperfect as well as those that we deem really great parts of ourselves and we’re saying we accept all of them and we love all of them. And that’s where that self-love piece comes in. I think self-love has, has a little bit been marketed at this point where people think, oh, self-love means just taking a spa day or getting your nails done, or, you know it self-love is actually, Deeper, it’s about how you talk to yourself on a daily basis.

[00:03:02] What I mean when you notice the internal critic, what is, what choices do you make at that point? Self-love can take the shape of yes, taking some time to just be for five to 10 minutes in a given day rather than continuing to do In addition to those things like going to the spa and getting your nails done, I’m not opposed to those things either.

[00:03:20] Mm-hmm.

[00:03:21] Rachel: Yeah. If anyone wants to treat us to a spa day, we will accept. I’ll go for it. I’ll

[00:03:26] Kamini: take it. I’ll absolutely take it.

[00:03:29] Rachel: A hundred percent agree and self-acceptance. It does not take any money to do and, and. I agree with you. The other qualities build under that because if you don’t accept yourself at a certain point, it doesn’t matter how many other people validate you outside of yourself.

[00:03:48] Yeah. We, we have to come home to ourselves every day and, and that, and we have to live with ourselves no matter what else happens.

[00:03:58] Kamini: Absolutely. And and that’s why a lot of times, We face those those moments where it’s like, it’s almost like a, it’s a hit, right? We get a hit from the external validation, but it’s short-lived.

[00:04:08] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Because we’re not continually getting it. Mm-hmm. The only place you can continually get that is from true self-acceptance. Mm-hmm. Right? Because that’s within yourself. That’s within your domain. Otherwise, you’re constantly chasing it or constantly looking for it outside of yourself. And so then when you’re not receiving it, that’s when you start to feel you know, feel bad about yourself or you’re taking in all the judgments of other people.

[00:04:30] Rachel: Yes, exactly. And we don’t wanna take on the judgment judgments of other people because it’s not ours to take on. And those judgments, it’s not

[00:04:41] Kamini: ours. Probably aren’t. And we can’t control it. We can’t control it either.

[00:04:45] Rachel: Exactly. I am curious, I was getting the psychic poll to ask you about your childhood. I know nothing about your childhood.

[00:04:55] Mm-hmm. And you can talk about whatever elements you want. And, and yet I’m also curious, the most, I think about, are there challenges that either shaped you or that you overcame from a younger age that impact who you are now or the work that you do?

[00:05:13] Kamini: Absolutely. I am, I don’t shy away from the fact that, you know, as a daughter of immigrant parents, I grew up in a very predominantly white town.

[00:05:21] I loved where I grew up, but it was predominantly white. I had a name, white comedy, definitely different than everyone else’s, and my skin color was different, right. I knew that at five or six years old, I knew I looked different and my name was different. And I knew that at home we had a different culture than the people around us.

[00:05:37] Mm. And so there was a big part of me. At five and six years old that wanted to belong, but also was being treated differently because I looked different. Right. Right. And, and I know that now as an adult, and it’s not about blaming or judging anybody for any, any of those actions or what they said to me or didn’t say to me.

[00:05:54] But it’s recognizing that as a five or six year old, the way that I internalize that for me was In order to belong, I needed to make sure that people were okay with me, happy with me. Recognize that like I wasn’t scary. I was o I was good enough to be friends with. Right. And I was good enough to belong to their group.

[00:06:09] Yes. And so that’s really where my people pleasing tendencies started. Because I wanted, I wanted to fit in. I mean, we’re humans and humans want, yes. We want emotional social connection, right? Mm-hmm. And so, mm-hmm. That’s, that. Those were the, the qualities that I started taking on and they started. Being, getting bigger and bigger as I grew into adulthood.

[00:06:28] Also being the daughter of immigrant parents who were working really hard, long days to provide for my sister and I, I didn’t wanna be a burden. I didn’t want to cause them anything else to worry about. Right. So I took on my perfectionism. I mean, again, there’s no blame or anything, right? It’s just recognizing that.

[00:06:46] As a five or six year old, I realize that if I was the good girl and I also didn’t make mistakes and I didn’t do anything wrong, my parents didn’t have anything to worry about, I would not be a burden to them. Mm-hmm. So now you add in the perfectionism. Right. And so that just carried with me throughout.

[00:07:00] All the way into adulthood. I mean mm-hmm. I would have relationships where I over gave and and I’m not just talking about romantic relationships, friendships constantly overgiving mm-hmm. But not necessarily receiving in return. Oh

[00:07:11] Rachel: yes. I’ve been there too. Especially in friendships.

[00:07:14] Kamini: In friendships a lot.

[00:07:16] And you don’t notice it, you know, you almost kind of just accept that that’s what it is. Right. And, and a lot of that also led me to just kind of always be behind the scenes. Like just put everybody in front, shy away from, it’s never you, it’s always about the other person. They, they need to shine, they need, it’s them, it’s their, their, and it’s not, again, to say that I needed to be a.

[00:07:36] Shining in front of everybody. That wasn’t what it, I’m an introvert by nature anyway, so that wouldn’t make sense for me. Yeah. But but it, it, it did keep me playing small for a very long time. Mm. And when then as I became a mom and started seeing, my kids started getting older, obviously. And so when they got into their pre-teen, teen years, they were starting to show those people pleasing perfectionism.

[00:07:56] Mm. You know, really Diminishing themselves in deference to others. And so that was my catalyst moment where I realized, okay, this is coming from how I’m showing up. Mm-hmm. So let me do my work here. Let me understand what’s happening. And that’s where I really understood that internalized message of not being good enough or needing to belong that I.

[00:08:15] Came from a very young age. Yeah. Did my own self-work and also realized that in my professional world I was, I was always drawn to coaching people, but in any role that I had, cause I was a project manager and then I ran my husband’s law firm. Everything that I did eventually went back to. Talking to people about what it is that they wanted, you know, and how they could get that.

[00:08:35] And so I realized that that’s truly what my calling was, was, was yes, lean into that and lean into this personal experience that I’ve had, and bring those two things together and help other people figure out what’s missing or what’s keeping them stagnant or. Stuck and help them move themselves forward into their human potential.

[00:08:52] I mean, that’s why I say that I’m a human potential coach more than anything because I do all the things. Yes. You know, you wanna talk about relationships, let’s talk about relationships. You wanna talk about career. We can absolutely talk about that. It’s all the things that create you as a human.

[00:09:05] Rachel: I love that.

[00:09:07] And I love that you were present enough to observe what was happening with your children to not. Take it as an indictment against yourself, reacting in whatever judgey way, or maybe you did for a day, who knows, but, but then you decided, okay, I’m gonna do something about this and lean in and be willing to change.

[00:09:33] Kamini: Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and let me just say that real quick on that point. Yeah. It is. It’s about being willing to change. You know, so often people do reach out, but they’re not there where they’re ready to actually sit with it cuz it’s not comfortable. I mean, I would right. I never lie to people and say this is gonna be a super easy, I mean, anytime that you’re doing that self work, there’s gonna be uncomfortability to, because you’re taking a look at what hasn’t been working or what’s no longer serving you.

[00:09:58] And that’s not always fun. Right. So absolutely being willing. And I was absolutely willing because anybody a knows that if they, if they know me, that my kids are absolutely like, they have been my best teacher in life, but they’re also my why. And I know that’s like very cliche, but when it came to seeing them, Mirror back to me and knowing that that wasn’t gonna serve them in the long run.

[00:10:22] There was, there was no question, it was just, okay, what do I have to do here? What do I have to do? Mm-hmm. In order to, to shift this so that this doesn’t get repeated generationally. Mm-hmm. Now I will say that, you know, you don’t change personalities. So my right, my middle daughter, She definitely has that people pleasing personality.

[00:10:40] She’s very empathetic. Mm-hmm. And I do say that even my people pleasing while I say that it, it is a strength in the sense that I’m very empathetic. It just becomes a weakness when I lean too far into it. Mm-hmm. And I’ve really to her a lot about that too. I know that you’re very empathetic and that’s, Huge.

[00:10:58] It’s a huge strength of yours. Just be aware of when you might be leaning too far into it and overgiving or over-functioning for somebody. Right,

[00:11:05] Rachel: exactly. Yes, that’s, yes. Cuz it can be helpful. And I’m also thinking of in the hospitality industry, that whole industry is built upon. Let’s find people’s needs and please them and serve them and make them come back again.

[00:11:19] So it can be a healthy thing and it can help. Communities get along, families get along, and the overgiving is where it starts to tip from the balance of healthy, healthy connecting and empathizing and sympathizing to, to not so healthy for the individual. Right?

[00:11:41] Kamini: Right. Exactly. Mm. Exactly. Yes.

[00:11:43] Rachel: Did you notice as you shifted how they shifted?

[00:11:51] And, and or was everybody aware of, okay, mom’s doing something different now.

[00:11:58] Kamini: You know, it’s really interesting. My older ones absolutely knew because I shared, I shared with them. My younger ones didn’t because they weren’t even aware that there was something happening. Right. But in terms of how they shifted, I definitely saw a difference in how they were, they were communicating with friends, for instance, especially my teenagers.

[00:12:17] Yes. Because. You know, those years are so difficult, especially with the peer pressure and the societal pressures that they have these days. And I noticed that they were, they were able to hold boundaries a better than they had been before. And I am. Such an advocate for boundaries, mm-hmm. Because I didn’t have any for so long.

[00:12:37] Mm-hmm. Right. And just watching my kids be able to really communicate what they will mm-hmm. Were willing to participate in and what they weren’t. Mm-hmm. Without feeling like, you know, cuz FOMO is a real thing for Yes. For all of us, not just teenagers. Yes. Right. And so watching them evolve into.

[00:12:55] Even naming it like, yeah, right now I have fear. Fear of missing out here, but I also know that this is not gonna be a healthy situation for me, so I’m gonna opt not to go. Mm-hmm. That’s a huge difference than how I believe it would’ve gone had I not been so vocal about how I was shifting and changing.

[00:13:12] Rachel: Amazing. Yeah. That’s really great modeling for them. Is there a moment you can think about that you’d be willing to share where there was, there were boundaries that you were shifting? And walk us through how, how you got yourself to, to actually hold the boundary. Because what I know happens with people’s is they know they wanna hold a boundary and they don’t do it, and they know it and they don’t.

[00:13:37] And it’s that there, there’s always the after effect of. Yeah, that happened again, and I can’t change. I believe that they can change human potential. We know they can change, right. But, right. Sometimes it’s that, how do you get from the, I know I wanna have a boundary through the discomfort and actually achieve it.

[00:13:57] Do you have any personal stories or thoughts on that?

[00:14:00] Kamini: You know, that’s a great question cuz absolutely that was me. I would say, I’m gonna set this boundary and then as soon as there was a little bit of conflict, I would totally back off of it. Mm-hmm. And you know, when we think about that, really it’s not a boundary, that’s just a suggestion.

[00:14:13] We don’t, we don’t hold the boundary or have a consequence for boundary being crossed. Yeah. It’s really just, just a suggestion for the other person. That’s fine. I know that I’ve had to, I had to do that even in the law practice. I was taking on more than what was. On my plate to do. Mm. And I really did have to hold a boundary around, you know, I’m, this is my, this is my domain, and I’m willing to support you if you need help, but I’m also not willing to take on everything, which was really hard because especially when you’re running a business and running a business with your partner, you don’t want to see your partner in any, any way, shape, or form feeling.

[00:14:50] Bad or frustrated or stressed out, yes. But it was recognizing that I was actually enabling it by continuing to not hold the boundary. And that’s really what we have to recognize. We do have a part when we don’t hold a boundary, we do have a part in what’s what’s unfolding in front of us. Mm. It also happens in motherhood, right?

[00:15:07] Yes. So in terms of as our kids get older, you know, holding a boundary around, I’m not gonna take care of that for you. So, like, with my older kids, they would love for me to still schedule their doctor’s appointments. Mm-hmm. But I’m, I simply just say like, that’s, I, I can remind you, but that’s as much as I can do.

[00:15:24] After that, it’s on you to actually schedule that appointment and follow through. Mm-hmm. Versus if I didn’t do that, You know, they’re not learning how to have autonomy over things like self-care. You know, doctor’s appointment is self care. Yes. That’s just another example in my world, how, and, and as a mom you do, you fall into the trap of like, okay, let me just take care of that for you.

[00:15:43] Mm-hmm. Even right now, my daughter’s getting ready to move and she needs she needs to find a storage unit and I have to hold the boundary of, well, these are the places that I would call. Right. And I’m gonna let you go ahead and take care of that. Mm-hmm. The old me would’ve been like, sure, let me add it to my list of things to do and let me figure out how to Neat.

[00:16:00] How to call for you. So, yeah. Mm-hmm.

[00:16:02] Rachel: Mm-hmm. Yes. That’s so good. I, I’m thinking of the phrase learn helplessness of when you help people so much after a while, they’re always used to you helping, always used to you doing the, whatever the things are, and even if they can do it. They’re, they’re accustomed to just asking.

[00:16:22] I, I can clearly remember there was a time my car broke down and I thought, well, I need to call my parents. But then I also thought, well, but what if I can’t call them? How would I figure it out on my own? Mm-hmm. And, and so those moments of, and, and that’s helping them bridge into adulthood too for, for people who have teens.

[00:16:44] But even I, my, my kids are four and nine. And all of the time, maybe it comes from my teacher background too, of knowing the, the more quickly I can equip them with the autonomy and the skills of taking care of their own responsibilities, the more I’m building them so that we don’t, they don’t move outta 18 and have no idea how to make a meal or do laundry or any of that.

[00:17:10] Like they’re doing it as quickly as possible because, They’re, they’re capable human beings.

[00:17:16] Kamini: Absolutely. Absolutely. People are always shocked that my, you know, my 19 year old son is excited about the fact that next, next semester he isn’t gonna be in an apartment style dorm. And he’s nice, thrilled because he can make his own meals and he’s like, oh, nice.

[00:17:29] I would much rather prefer, I prefer to cook for myself than the, the dining hall food. And, you know, he never had an issue with laundry. People are like, oh, does he? Not just, no. He has done been doing his laundry since he was 10 years old. Not because I was horrifying him, but I was giving him autonomy to know that that’s his, and he can do it any which way he wants to.

[00:17:49] Mm-hmm. And if he chooses not to fold his col clothes and put them away, then he’s gonna deal with the fact that his shirts are wrinkled and he figured out, oh, I would like to put my shirts away.

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[00:18:36] Rachel: Yes. Yes. And it also allows the person doing the, setting the boundaries to, there’s gonna be discomfort on both sides.

[00:18:49] Pretty much I’m thinking. Yes. But it allows us to step back and think, okay, I’m gonna, I’m gonna sit with it and let them be uncomfortable too.

[00:18:59] Kamini: Yes. You know, so often You know, people talk about setting boundaries, and I do too. But we, we don’t really vocalize that. It’s not. It’s not always easy because on the, for the person setting the boundary, who hasn’t had, who has not set them before, there’s definitely gonna be uncomfortability.

[00:19:17] Sometimes there’s guilt. Mm-hmm. Sometimes there’s the inner dialogue that says I’m being mean by doing this. Mm-hmm. And it’s, so it’s working through that on the end of the person, setting the boundary for the person on the receiving end. They’re receiving this new boundary that has never been put forth before.

[00:19:32] So it’s very uncomfortable for them as well. Mm-hmm. Because they’ve gotta figure out this new dynamic. Mm-hmm. Now the people who do stick with it and figure it out and are willing to respect the boundary, then that’s great. Let’s work together and move this relationship forward. And I often say that those that don’t want to acclimate to your boundary, Are the ones that were actually really benefiting from your lack of boundaries.

[00:19:53] Mm-hmm. And only wanted to be in that dynamic with you as long as you were, didn’t have those boundaries. And so they’re not really actually respecting you. So it gives you the ability to slow down and ask, is this a relationship that’s actually healthy for me, or one that is beneficial for my growth and wellbeing?

[00:20:09] So sometimes also setting boundaries as uncomfortable as it can be starts to illuminate. What relationships are in our best interest and which ones maybe we’ve been holding onto for a little too long. Mm-hmm.

[00:20:21] Rachel: I a hundred percent agree and it sometimes I think people can assume the respect or energy they bring to the relationship is equally reciprocated.

[00:20:33] And then in those moments you can see if it’s not, maybe you don’t wanna have the same level of involvement. Maybe you wanna. Shift away when it’s family or people who we have to see all the time, or p work, work, colleagues, coworkers, whoever. Then there’s a different nuance of how do you

[00:20:55] Kamini: still work with it?

[00:20:56] How do you shift it, right? Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm.

[00:20:58] Rachel: Yes. But, but I think it, it is that moment of you have more knowledge so that you’re not living in the illusion that. They respect you or wanna treat you equal to how they do because even though it hurts, it’s, they may not.

[00:21:16] Kamini: Right. No, that’s a great point. And you’re right.

[00:21:18] Like for instance, in terms of work colleagues, when we become aware of that, then we have a choice point of how we want to maybe shift the dynamics of that relationship. I’m thinking about a client right now who’s actually in the process of shifting a, a, a relationship and dynamic with another coworker because that mutual respect wasn’t there and they just became aware of it.

[00:21:39] And again, it’s not easy. It’s not easy to kind of mm-hmm. Deal with the awareness because there’s hurt there, there’s sadness there. Right? And it’s important to honor those feelings as well. And then really ask yourself, well, what do, what do I need here? And figure out what would be the most beneficial for you to continue to move forward?

[00:21:54] Because we can’t, we can’t always pick up and leave, right? Like, so in work situations, we can’t always pick up and quit and leave or in family dynamics. We can’t just suddenly, I mean, Let me back up. You absolutely can decide if a relationship is not worth or is not beneficial for you, and you can say, I’m no longer gonna be in a relationship with this person.

[00:22:14] So I take that back that you can’t do it. But sometimes in the moment it’s not easy to maneuver that. And so we have to get into that place of, can I create a dynamic that is mm-hmm, workable for me? Mm-hmm. Without necessarily completely cutting this person off.

[00:22:28] Rachel: Yes. Yes. And one thing I think that’s helpful is I see boundaries, especially with people that one recognizes you may have an ongoing relationship with.

[00:22:41] It’s not, it’s not like a country boundary of this is the line and it will forever be here. And this is exactly how it is. There’s an experimenting and a fluidity sometimes of finding what is the best balance of. Still engaging with that person and maintaining your own integrity and respect and all of that.

[00:23:04] There’s some, there’s some interplay. I think

[00:23:08] Kamini: there absolutely is. Oftentimes I think people think that if they set a boundary, it’s forever and always and Right. They, they more equate it. With building a wall. Yes. And I often say that it’s not a wall, it’s more like a fence. Mm-hmm. You know, fences, you can erect, you can see through, you can walk in and out of through a door.

[00:23:28] You can hear through them and also they can be moved. Right. Right. So you could set that up and this is what works for me today. And then maybe in a month it can shift and we just move it at that point. Right. It, so it’s, it’s, it’s movable. It’s, it’s you know negotiable. For instance, in some cases, and, and when I say negotiable, I don’t mean with the other person.

[00:23:46] I mean with yourself. Yeah. Right. Because you’re the one that’s saying, this works for me, this doesn’t, so you can negotiate with yourself as you grow and evolve. Maybe you don’t need to have a boundary that you’ve had before, like maybe when you’re starting off the work, the boundaries a little bit.

[00:24:00] Further out, and then as you mm-hmm. Start figuring out who you are and you know, your self-acceptance is growing and that self-love is growing, you can now start moving the boundary a little slightly. Right? Yes. And, and you’re doing it as you’re growing and evolving as well. Mm-hmm.

[00:24:16] Rachel: Excellent. And I, I wanna talk a about human potential, some, so you’re mentioning evolving.

[00:24:22] Mm-hmm. And I know this is a passion of yours, so mm-hmm. I, I’m pretty open to whatever you wanna say that you think people need to know. Maybe it’s, what is our human potential or. What are your top three tips about, oh, you wanna have more of your own potential coming forth? How do you bring it out? I, I’m here for any of it.

[00:24:43] Cause I just, what, what bad things could we say about

[00:24:46] Kamini: potential? Right, right, right, right. So one of the things I often say is you’re human potential is yours. Meaning you’re the, you are the chooser, you’re the creator, you’re the destroyer of your own human potential. Because so often we get caught up in.

[00:25:00] How do other people see me? What’s the perception they have of me? What are the judgments they have of me? And all the that does is that puts us in a box. The other really important part of living into your own human potential is self-compassion, over self-judgment. I. I’m a huge believer in the practice of self-compassion, and I really am because I was not very nice to myself.

[00:25:21] Anytime I even dared to make even the slightest bit of a mistake, I would put myself down to no end. And I was just talking to a client the other day about this. She was sharing with me that, you know, she used to always be able to push herself forward and now she just can’t. And I was sharing with her that.

[00:25:41] Your human potential doesn’t come from beating yourself up. Your human potential actually lies in when you are kind to yourself and give yourself some grace and the space to figure out what it is you want, need, and what you value. That’s when you can truly live into what you are actually capable of, of creating for yourself.

[00:26:00] And that’s really what we’re doing is creating our own story for our own life. And when we recognize that we actually have. Autonomy over that we really can live into our own human potential. It’s just that we get so caught up in other people’s narratives for us, or other, other false beliefs that we have accumulated and taken on as our own.

[00:26:23] You know, when we think about it, most of our belief systems are, you know, we, we. Yes, our belief systems that we accumulate through life, but the, that ripe age between zero to seven when our subconscious is taking in everything, you know? And so a lot of people think, well, I didn’t have a big trauma in my life.

[00:26:38] Like there’s nothing happening. And yet they’re sitting there and they’re stagnant in their career, for instance. And it’s like, if we could just understand some of the experiences you had, they weren’t big t traumas, they were just experiences and messages. And maybe along the way there was a false belief that was accumulated that you’re not good enough or that you don’t deserve more than what you have.

[00:26:59] Right? And so now we take that through line and we’re recognize that their human potential has been stunted by this unknown, unaware of belief that there’s only so much that they can have or that they don’t deserve more than X, whatever that is. Mm-hmm. We bring that to the awareness. Now we have this choice point of saying, okay, what’s actually true?

[00:27:19] And if I really were to take committed action based in my core values as my adult self or my own self, rather than somebody, some story of what my values are, what choices and actions would I take, and now we’re starting to live into our human potential. So there you have

[00:27:35] Rachel: it. Mm, I love it. I’m here for all of it.

[00:27:38] And, and back to this. Every person’s core values that that’s, that is a very unique thing and, and when we have the self-compassion, Which I also am a big advocate of. You can think of your values. You have the self-compassion. You can let all the external expectations set away, fall away, and you can live into your potential.

[00:28:02] I don’t have the, I may have the potential in theory to be an Olympic athlete, but I don’t wanna be, that is not my thing, but I have other aspirations and so. I think, but letting away the culture’s ideas of what success is or what this is and, and returning to, well, what are, what are your values and what, what are your skillsets too?

[00:28:28] Then that compassion and reflection within allows you to emerge in your own life. And I also love how you brought up. A little T trauma or anything. That was a suggestion that we took on as a child. Sure, that might have been great for a five year old or even a 10 year old, but for a 35 year old or 50 year old, that is limiting you now, and so letting yourself.

[00:28:57] Become aware of your limitations that are things that are of just the mind that are not true long-term limitations shifting. So you can have a different belief, opens up all of this potential. And I, I love that.

[00:29:15] Kamini: A great example of that is, you know, as a little child, maybe in elementary school, being told things and rules around.

[00:29:24] You know, keeping your voice quiet, for instance. Right. We, we don’t mm-hmm. We don’t speak out. Mm-hmm. Now you take that belief my voice isn’t meant to be heard unless I’m actually addressed. Right. Right. Now you take that into adulthood and you recognize that you don’t speak up, for instance, in meetings or mm-hmm.

[00:29:41] There is, you know, we’ve got so many different things that we’re dealing with as a, as a world in, in just happening. Day in and day out. You talk about the environment, you talk about, you know, you and I just chatted about like anti-racism. I mean Yeah. Take that belief of I’m not meant to, like, I’m not supposed to speak up or speak out unless I’ve been called on.

[00:30:03] Right. And now we’re not leading and allowing our voices to be heard with what actually matters to us. Mm-hmm. So it’s just, that’s a small microcosm of an example of a belief or a thought that was. Taken on by an interaction that we had in elementary school, and then it stuck with us in our subconscious, and then it’s playing out into adulthood.

[00:30:25] Mm-hmm.

[00:30:26] Rachel: Yes. And some of them we got from TV or media. I think about when we were younger, I don’t know if you noticed this, but the phrase, you’ll s I can sleep when I’m dead. Used to be so popular. Uhhuh, and, and, and Now, if people say that, I feel that we look at them like I. That’s actually a really bad idea.

[00:30:47] Right, exactly. But if, but if you heard and were like, mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. I’m all about that. It’s like, yes. And then you start burning out and you uhhuh and, and, and you’ve also gone along with like work, work, work and not rest. And, and this, this hamster wheel of adrenaline, and I’m thinking to the, over the high performing.

[00:31:09] Mm-hmm. And the overachieving, it’s, you can lose your own. Ability to recognize, well, humans need to rest. Every athlete needs recovery, period. Yes, exactly. We need that downtime to, mm-hmm. To, to just be whole in all the ways that we are.

[00:31:29] Kamini: That’s so true. And I do, I actually work with some athletes as well, and that’s something that comes up routinely really is, you know, when they feel guilty for resting, for instance.

[00:31:40] Mm. You know, like, I should be, I should be on the field right now. I should be in the gym right now. And it’s. Really, I mean, the work that we do together is understanding where that, what’s the fear in that? Because anytime we talk about shoulds, you know, there’s usually a fear behind it. Mm-hmm. But it also comes from that, from the belief system of you’ve gotta keep going.

[00:31:57] You know, it’s, it’s what you said, I’ll rest when I’m dead. And it’s just, is that really a healthy belief system? Is it serving us Right. Is really what comes down

[00:32:04] Rachel: to Yes, exactly. And I think a lot about what I noticed with myself. And, and with clients and or my kids and other people I know, I always return to the things that are coming internally are a much better driving force than these external forces.

[00:32:23] And, and I mean, we live in a world, so we’re gonna have to deal with the external forces, but the internal drives and motivations, that’s typically more A better gauge sometimes of, you know, if you feel like resting, that’s the internal desire to rest whether or not externally, that’s the message you’re getting.

[00:32:44] Right?

[00:32:44] Kamini: Exactly. Exactly. You know using our, in internal our internal thermometer, so to speak. Mm-hmm. Because externally, that’s the thing too, is I think we get caught up in how people are gonna judge us. Like if they see me resting, they’re gonna think I’m lazy. Mm-hmm. And at the end of the day, we have to ask ourselves.

[00:33:01] So what? Right. We can’t, we can’t control their judgment anyway. Mm-hmm. Because the truth is, even if they see us going co constantly, they’re gonna have a judgment or an opinion about that as well. Mm-hmm. So at the end of the day, if we continue to always live by how somebody else is judging us, or by their validation, it’s always, it’s always driving.

[00:33:21] We’re gonna be chasing forever. And instead it’s coming back home to self. Mm.

[00:33:26] Rachel: Exactly. I love that. What other tips or insight do you have to help people bring themselves back to self and or tap into their human potential?

[00:33:36] Kamini: Well for me it’s always about, one, taking the time to recognize what your core values are.

[00:33:41] The second one is core beliefs. As you alluded to before, you know, growing up, we are definitely we are influenced by our family upbringing. We’re influenced by culture, we’re influenced by society. And then of course, our own personality has a bearing on that as well. Right? Taking the time to say, what do I actually believe?

[00:33:57] But then that third pillar for me is core needs. So often we’re s we’re not clear on what it is that we actually need as individuals to be able to live the life that we actually want for ourselves. And it’s important to, to figure out what all three of those are. So values, beliefs, needs, and together that can create the ability for you to figure out what the goals are that you have for yourself.

[00:34:22] What would be meaningful for you to create rather than just arbitrarily setting goals based on, again, What society tells us we should, we should be right. Our family. I mean, as much as we love our family, ultimately we have to feel connected to the life that we’re living. Mm-hmm. Otherwise, we kind of, we’re doing the thing and we kind of look up and we’re, we’re somewhat disconnected or there’s something missing.

[00:34:45] We’re not feeling completely fulfilled and it’s because we’re not connected to the stuff that we’re actually doing. It’s not truly meaningful for us.

[00:34:54] Rachel: Oh yeah. That’s so good. Okay. So there’s a part of me that thinks. I would love to note, do you have an assessment for core needs or what do, how do people figure those out?

[00:35:04] Some, I mean, and some might be obvious, but I also think I have a core need that I just figured out last year that has been in my life my entire life, and I didn’t realize it for years.

[00:35:18] Kamini: The way that I work with my clients on it is I do ask a series of questions. Cool. And those questions, and they’re not just like, you know, so what do you need?

[00:35:26] Because they’ll just look at me and say, alright, yes, it’s right. Coming at it in a different way of like, tell me about some experiences you’ve had. Because even values for instance, you know, there, there are so many value exercises out there, and I’m not Oh yes. Putting them down. But many of them just literally give you a list and they’re like, okay, so which ones resonate with you?

[00:35:44] Yeah. And the truth is you can sit it with that list and. For me personally, most of the words resonate. I’m like, yep, that’s important. That’s important, Uhhuh. So instead, if we start getting curious about what we’ve experienced and how we’ve experienced it and what came up for us through the experiences, not just cognitively, but also somatically.

[00:36:02] Now we’re getting into understanding ourselves on that deeper level. And when we have that understanding, we can now extrapolate with, we can put words to it, right? Mm-hmm. So often, for instance, We talk about feelings, but we forget that with feelings are sensations. Yes. So it’s, it’s, it’s pushing ourselves to really start coming back, coming at it from not just, here’s a list and let’s cognitively decide.

[00:36:26] Mm-hmm. It’s also mm-hmm figuring out how we’ve experienced certain things and extrapolating from that. So needs are, are no different in that regard.

[00:36:35] Rachel: I love that and I’m so glad you brought that up because I also have seen those lists many times and every time I do it I almost, I either remember what I put before and I put that, or I think, oh yeah, like 20 of these 50 things look great.

[00:36:52] Therefore, I guess I have a lot of values. And, and it’s so true because it’s, I think it’s one of those we’re, we’re so used to living our lives that to, to be retrospective and to pause and reflect. A list like that isn’t actually that helpful because it still just keeps people in their heads and you could pick things that sound good or that you think other people think.

[00:37:22] I’m thinking of family values. I feel like it’s one of those things where people are like, that sounds great, but. But what are actually, your experiences show that you’re valuing,

[00:37:31] Kamini: right, exactly. Exactly.

[00:37:34] Rachel: Yeah. That’s so cool that you, you do the questions with people and then you can probably also hear and notice the nuances of what they’re speaking about and draw that out more.

[00:37:47] Kamini: Mm-hmm. And, and they might not even hear it when I’m able to listen and then say, I just heard this. Tell me more about that. Mm-hmm. They’re suddenly like, oh, I didn’t even realize I said that. That’s exciting. And that’s part of it, right? Is, is helping people become aware of the things that have been hidden mm-hmm.

[00:38:07] Is really what mm-hmm. We’re doing.

[00:38:09] Rachel: Yes. Yes. And that’s so much fun. Cause once you see something that you haven’t. That kind of was camouflaged in your life, then it really changes so many experiences and you start noticing it where you hadn’t noticed before.

[00:38:26] Kamini: Totally. Totally. And one, I love what you just said.

[00:38:29] Once you see it, it’s, you can’t unsee it. Right? Right. You can’t unknow it.

[00:38:33] Rachel: Yes. That’s so true. Well, this has been a delight. Please tell the listeners what you want us to know and how they can get in touch with you, and the links will be below. However, tell us the first place you’d like. People to find you.

[00:38:48] Kamini: Sure. So my website, comedy wood.com there are a lot of free resources on there, including many blog articles on things such as self-compassion and also just different topics in general. It, I am, I do work one-to-one with people, so there’s information on my coaching services there. For those who maybe aren’t ready to do the one-to-one or maybe Aren’t ready to invest in that.

[00:39:07] I did just release a six week course called Stop Treating Yourself, like Shit. So that’s also accessible for my website. And then I’m on social, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, all with the handle. It’s authentic me.

[00:39:19] Rachel: Mm. I love that it’s authentic me. That’s so good. And thank you for helping people to live more authentically and have more self-love, self-compassion, self-acceptance.

[00:39:34] That’s such great work that you do. Thank

[00:39:37] Kamini: you.

[00:39:37] I am a psychic who helps people in business who understands business. And what I can tell you is if there are five things or six things that you’re considering doing in your business and you wish you knew which ones not to do together, we can tune in and eradicate three to five of those.

[00:39:55] You only have one or two things to focus on. Imagine the massive amount of time and energy. And wondering, this could save you if you could just commit to the thing, because you know that this is what’s totally aligned with you and your business right now, and this time that moves you forward, that gives you so much action to pour into your business.

[00:40:21] Now, if you listen, there’s a playlist. You can look at other sessions that clients have had, and you’ll notice time and time again. They get one to two to three specific areas that are green lights for them to work on in their business. Things that they can really focus on that are definitely going to help them.

[00:40:43] Occasionally, they also get the clarity on, don’t do these other things. It’s not gonna work for you. It’s not in your best interest right now. And how beautiful is it? And this. Time and world of so many choices, so many options to already have it narrowed down to these are things to focus on. These are things that are not gonna work for you.

[00:41:06] And to have that extra bit of confidence, that stamp of approval saying. This also feels internally aligned. So not only are you thinking it, but this is what I’m reading from your energy field, from spirit, from the infinite field of possibilities that is maximumly, maximumly aligned for your potential.

[00:41:32] That’s what makes life and business. So much fun. So I am really looking forward to our first session together. May it be the first of many. Go ahead.

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